It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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