you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
