mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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