sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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