He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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