who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
