I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I touched a dick in church today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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