she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
