so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
