physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
