Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
