Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
