Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
