Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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