you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
