I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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