i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
