My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i now understand why vodka
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
