I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
