I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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