she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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