OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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