You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
