Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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