Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drake has all the answers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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