I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize