FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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