she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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