There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
