remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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