You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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