Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
