I just pynch a tree in the face
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
