Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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