...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
