Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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