I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
