I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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