And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
