I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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