She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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