Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
