are you still at the devil's house?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
