It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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