Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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