i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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