She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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