i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
