do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
