Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
