I didn't shave. On purpose
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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