Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
