At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
