I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
