I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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