I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
