Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
